


I. Am. Not. Dumb.

by Theoda



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-01
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-10-20 08:17:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17618774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theoda/pseuds/Theoda
Summary: Summary: The Horcrux is residing in him. It is a piece of a soul. His soul. And it is in him together with his own soul. Harry wasn't a normal wizard before he was even born. There was a prophecy and a tragedy and suddenly it was just him and... him...A/N: *It is just a quick piece that wouldn't leave me alone today. Sweet Harry with a piece of Voldemort stuck in him for all those years?! Did it really not affect him in any way?*





	I. Am. Not. Dumb.

**Author's Note:**

> Summary: The Horcrux is residing in him. It is a piece of a soul. His soul. And it is in him together with his own soul. Harry wasn't a normal wizard before he was even born. There was a prophecy and a tragedy and suddenly it was just him and... him...
> 
> A/N: *It is just a quick piece that wouldn't leave me alone today. Sweet Harry with a piece of Voldemort stuck in him for all those years?! Did it really not affect him in any way?*
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Harry Potter, all the characters from Harry Potter belong to J.K. Rowling

I. Am. Not. Dumb.

_I must not tell lies._

I. Am. Not. A. Freak.

_I am a wizard._

I. Have. A. Name.

_My name is Harry Potter._

I. Am. Not. Alone.

_My parents are dead._

Everyone is...

***

I don't remember the exact time all hell broke lose. I do know that I should have seen things. I surely could have. But I didn't. And I am here to regret it everyday for the rest of my sorry execuse of a life. Maybe I should have just followed Dumbeldore down the Astronomy Tower. But no, Harry fucking Potter had to tell the world and of course follow _the traitor_. Funny, how things can turn out in the end. There was no traitor. Not really at last. Sure, Snape did some shit but he fought. Oh boy and how he fought. _"You have your mothers eyes."_

_Thank you..._ I had't known it before. Not really. How should I? Everyone was always just talking about my father. I look just like him. A tiny version of James Potter. No one actually said tiny but let's face it. It is what I am. Especially in comparison to him. _But with my mothers eyes._ I liked it. For a second I was nearly happy. Because I had something in common with my mother. When or if I look in a mirror now I just see a pair of lushly green eyes that remind me of the colour of the Avada. Sometimes when I blink I actually see red spots that remind me of another time. But I am just imagining thngs so I blink fast and I see my Avada-green eyes again. Maybe it's fitting. It's the spell that killed her eventually. It killed many. It didn't kill Snape. I don't know what killed him in the end. Blood loss? The venom? A mix of both? Maybe it was something else altogether.

Fawkes didn't cry for him. Was he not Gryffindor enough? Hell, he risked his life every single day! HE WAS BRAVE! The bravest man I have ever known. But that was not enough. It never was. Did he find his peace? Peace after a world that failed him?

I didn't have a mother loving me growing up. She was a drunk. Both my parents were. And then they got what they deserved. Killed in a car crash. Tragic only because I was with them. I was barely a toddler but I survived nearly unscathed. A miracle. And I should be thankful to whatever deity there is that I was saved. And that my extended family took me in. My aunt and her husband. With their lovely son. And  _I must not tell lies._

No car crash. No alcoholics. No lovely aunt and uncle and cousin. Just lies and pain and sacrifices. The day I became a wizard everything changed and stayed exactly the same as before. There were lies and pain and sacrifices and so much more pain and pain and pain and fear. I never feared for my life before. I feared for my safety and my sanity and occasionally my hair. But never for my life. And suddenly I was burning. I didn't actually burn. But I burned a man with my bare hands and I WAS BURNING! I screeched but no one heard me.

Fawkes heard me a year afterwards. But no one had really heard Ginny either. Dear sweet Ginny. For a second, a single lonely second you were dead. And it was delicious. Delicious Power Coursing Through Me. Me and me alone. It was mine and then it wasn't and you weren't dead. Thank Merlin you weren't dead. But Tom was and no one ever heard his cry either.

I welcomed it. I didn't fear you. You couldn't kill me. Because Basilisk venom couldn't. Oh, my godfather. Excellent. No, I didn't know. Absolutely, I was joking. See, I was there when he killed my mom and dad. Oh, what, it wasn't him? No? Sirius Black didn't kill my parents? I didn't know that. Yes, sorry, that was tactless. I will never do it again.  
I welcomed you in my dreams and I huged you and never let you got. You were a link to them. I don't remember them - _now I do_ \- but I didn't back than. So your presence was welcomed. But only by me. Because the world hadn't heard a word you said. They just heard your laughter and descided your fate. You broke free and came to me and I was thrilled. Your family was _oh so lovely_ powerful and _dark_ and you can't escape heritage and nurture forever. Your presence was intoxiating and I never wanted it to end. But no one would hear you out and why should anyone listen to my cries. I was just The-Boy-Who-Lived. Why should anyone care? Surely I had this big wonderful supporting family. I needn't fear his strange lunatic who indirectly killed my parents and sealed my fate.

The Avada Kedavra was like music in my ears for days afterwards and it was terrifying. Because it felt so good and I screamed and screamed and screamed but no one ever heard me at Privet Drive before, why should they start now. I wondered. But not for long. There were more important things to worry about. So much planning to do. It would be wonderful. Nobody was suspecting a thing. They didn't want to. So they closed their eyes and ears and I had more peace and quiet than I ever imagined. When I called - they finally _heard me._

The order wasn't a joke but they weren't a real threat either. They got the boy and I got him and we both screamed _oh so delicious_ together. It was painful and thrilling and satisfying and I never wanted it to end. All this grief and it wasn't even mine. It made me stronger and stronger because it came with such a fury and rage and thirst for revenge that I was sure I would never be hungry ever again. I would get stronger and stronger until I could break free and be with him till eternity.

The year I got the potions book was a blast. It was filled with so much information and knowledge I never wanted to stop reading and feeling it. My fingers tingled as soon as I started the spell. Magic was cheering me on. I could feel it on my skin, in my head, in my bones and blood and in my very existence. I didn't need the correct wand movement. I needed determination and intent and power. Rousing power. Sectumsempra hit and I heard him scream and my inside giggled in glee while I wanted to vomit and vanish from earth.

A piece of another soul connected to the famous lightening bold scar. _Neither can live while the other survives._ Destroy them. All of them and then it is your turn but before that feed me. Feed me feed me feed me and don't stop because I am not afraid for I am with you, Harry. Ron took of and Dumbeldore died and we got happy little presents from him and Hermione didn't know why so how should we know and why are they hurting us? We screamed together so loud. Louder and louder and still no one could hear us and then I cried because it hurt hurt hurt. Ron came back and we all went back to Hogwarts when all that was left were just Nagini and this piece in me.  
Neville cried and Gryffindor heard him because he got the sword and it hurt so much but it didn't save Snape and that was a tragedy neither of us was prepared for. My mothers eyes. I never knew their color. I imagine them as a deep beautiful brown. The Avada hit us and finally there was just us. Together. And then there were others and she. Mother. With her brilliant green eyes _and Harry_ , young tiny powerful Harry, _you truly have her eyes._

The rest is a blur of betrayal and war. Spells and magic and exhaustion. They all fought for their cause. They wounded, killed and died for it. While you and me searched for eachother. I couldn't hear you. I cried out and nothing answered. I grew desparate and then suddenly - ultimatily Green and Red. Red and Green. Both us. Alone at last. Your lips didn't move but I heard you clear as day. I felt you. Clearer than ever before and it was intoxicating. My soul. Our Soul. _Avada Kedavra._

***

I. Am. Not. Dead.

_You killed him!_

I. Have. Survived.

_You did it! You killed him at last._

You. Are. Not. Alone.

_Voldemort is no more!_

Welcome Home My Soul.

 

 


End file.
